


Resolute

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Game Spoilers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 13:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5129996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't notice the tears tracking his cheeks until he could no longer see for the blurriness of his vision. He scrubbed his arm against his eyes until it was useless, the tears coming too fast for him to swipe away and he let his sleeve fall uselessly back to the bed, curling his hands into fists.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resolute

**Author's Note:**

> **In game spoilers, in case you didn't read the tags! Last chance!**
> 
> ****Set immediately following Dezel's death.
> 
> I do not own _Tales of Zestiria_. Thanks for reading!

Grieving was a process.

Unfortunately, it wasn't one that Sorey was particularly good with. While his naïve, good-hearted nature often got him the butt of jokes between friends (or bullies), it was general naïve, good-heartedness and not faking for the sake of putting on a mask.

Sorey wasn't great at masks, either; he wore his emotions on his sleeve. It was something that he'd learned long ago, and something that often got him in trouble. Telling a lie was impossible, more or less, but even moreso: smiling when he wanted to cry? There was no way.

There were no tears. There were no smiles either, asides from Rose, who was bounding right along as though what had happened, hadn't, a smile and a gentle reassurance that they would see Dezel again. Sorey was in awe of her; he wanted to smile, but, unlike Rose, didn't have the strength.

He was also a little bit jealous.

When it came down to it, though, he wondered if Rose was genuinely... not _okay_ , but better than the rest of them, better than _him_ , right now, or if _that_ was a mask... if the situation hadn't settled in, if she was in shock.

Maybe she had gotten more closure with Dezel than the rest of them had. Sorey didn't know, and he didn't have anything of the sort, and so...

He couldn't smile.

It wasn't fair. How had it come to this? They had come so _far_...

Rose told him to go rest, and Sorey did, feet dragging, heart heavy, the Shepherd's cloak weighing the world on his shoulders, crushing down on his chest, making it impossible to breath.

He was the only one that checked into the inn just then, Rose off on her own, oddly at peace, and the seraphim untangled from his mind, all taking their moments, their time to grieve. The silence was oppressive, but Sorey didn't want it any other way. He needed to be alone, he _wanted_ to be alone...

Dezel had been alone.

Although that wasn't entirely true, Sorey reasoned to himself, as Dezel had had Rose, and Rose was Dezel's... _person_. That person you couldn't live without. That person you wanted to smile, and protect, and love... the one person you never wanted to hurt, or be hurt, and... Dezel had died to save Rose. Did that make it better, happier? Or did that make it worse?

Sorey wondered how Dezel was feeling in the end. He had made horrible decisions. Betrayed bonds for the purpose of personal gain, and still... so consumed by revenge, and forgotten memories, altered truths and realities... when all he'd ever wanted was to protect the people he cared for.

Which... was what Sorey wanted to do. Protect everyone he loved, and cared for. He wondered... what he would do if Alisha were in trouble. Or Mikleo. Or Lailah, Edna, Rose, or Gramps, any of his friends, any one person in his life that he wanted to save, and what it felt like to do that, but also to know that you weren't going to be there to watch over that person any longer.

Sorey wondered if Dezel... had gotten any peace. He had lived his life consumed with revenge, revenge that turned out to have no outlet but himself, and then... Rose... and everything that had happened...

He was in a better place?

Sorey hoped he was. In a place with no malevolence, up high somewhere, where the wind would blow and Dezel could _watch_ Rose throughout the rest of her life, and _see_ the amazing woman she would undoubtably continue to grow into. He deserved that. After all this... he deserved it.

He didn't notice the tears tracking his cheeks until he could no longer see for the blurriness of his vision. He scrubbed his arm against his eyes until it was useless, the tears coming too fast for him to swipe away and he let his sleeve fall uselessly back to the bed, curling his hands into fists.

They'd... actually... lost one of them. One of their family.

If he was the Shepherd and Dezel was part of his metaphorical flock, then he'd failed just as much as Dezel had in the past. He'd failed in worse ways; he was supposed to protect the whole world, and he couldn't even protect one of his closest friends. What did that say about his capability as the Shepherd? What should have he done? What _could_ have he done? He should have... he should have... not let... Dezel...

_die_.

Sorey clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle the sob, tears forming anew.

The familiar feeling in his head, an awareness of sorts, the sensation of being watched without anyone being there, was the only warning he had before a soft light flickered into the room, replaced with teal and white and purple eyes and a gentle voice. "Sorey."

Sorey scrambled to sit up, and hold himself together even though he wanted nothing more than to fall apart in that moment. "Mikleo," he mumbled, thumbing away his tears. "I didn't think y-you guys were coming back so soon."

"Just me," Mikleo said, stepping across the room.

Sorey stopped trying to scrub the tear tracks away, a tiny less on guard with Mikleo than any of the other seraphim, even still. Mikleo was his best friend. They'd both been through a lot, and always together.

"I knew you were sad."

What Mikleo wasn't saying was _I knew you were crying_ , because they were all sad right now. The implication was heavy, though.

A weak laugh broke through Sorey's tears. "How'd you know?" He aimed for sarcastic, a rare back-up when there were no other alternatives as far as this side of the emotional spectrum went.

Mikleo reached forward, swiping Sorey's tears away with cool fingers. "I know you."

Sorey looked up at him, feeling unbearably lost. It wasn't that they didn't have a goal, or a way to go about achieving it, it was just... _defeat_.

The rubber band holding it back snapped; Sorey tore his gaze away from Mikleo's sad eyes and curled into himself, burying his face into his hands again to _try_ and hide, _try_ and stifle the tears, the sounds, the pain. He couldn't remember the last time when he had not only cried, but _sobbed_ , wringing what breath was left in him out, tightening his throat and making his heart shatter, ricochet, and injure parts of himself he hadn't even known existed.

Mikleo didn't miss a beat in pulling him into an embrace, although it ended more with Sorey's face in the water seraph's stomach from him sitting and Mikleo standing, but it didn't matter, because it was Mikleo, and it was _home_.

For a minute, Sorey could be back in Elysia, and the heartache wasn't real.

Gosh, he missed home. He wouldn't change any of this, but he missed his actual, warm, safe home.

Mikleo's fingers, though, were a comforting presence against his back, as his friend sank onto the bed next to him and Sorey pressed his head against his chest, stubbornly trying to return the hug to Mikleo, too, and only ending up with his arms latched around his stomach awkwardly, but it was okay, it was going to be okay, it _was_ going to be okay, wasn't it?

"... Do you remember," Mikleo said eventually, and his voice sounded weak in the silence of the inn, "when you were seven... and you fell, while climbing in one of the ruins... and broke your arm? You never cried... _I_ remember _I_ was a mess, but you didn't make a sound, even though you had tears in your eyes the whole time."

Sorey laughed weakly; yeah, that sounded like him.

"So stubborn," Mikleo muttered, hand cradling the back of Sorey's head close, fingers knitting into his hair. "Always so stubborn."

His laughter was a little less shaky, although not any less sad. Stubborn; that _definitely_ sounded like him. "... 'm not quitting," he mumbled, sniffling into Mikleo's tunic. "I'm not giving up."

"Of course you're not."

"I'll find our answers. All of them..." Sorey forced himself to pull away, and pretended not to notice when Mikleo fell back and turned his head and amethyst eyes were glistening, too.

"I know you will," Mikleo said. "We all will."

"For Dezel, too." Sorey scrubbed his sleeves against his eyes. "For everybody."

Mikleo nodded, and Sorey again feigned obliviousness when the seraph brushed his fingers against his own eyes. "No more crying," Mikleo said. "He would be so angry."

"No more crying," Sorey agreed tiredly. "Things to do."

"Sleep first," Mikleo reminded. "You can't just rush in blindly. You need rest."

Sorey nodded again. "Starting tomorrow... we'll end this. Watch over us, Dezel," he murmured. "Give us your strength."

　

 

 

And if the wind whipping into his face later in their journey, mussing his hair in the breeze that brought the smell of flowers and rain and delights of the world around them, wasn't an answer to Sorey's whispered plea, he didn't know what was.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what happened with this one. I intended it to be a post-Dezel piece on how Sorey dealt with it, but then it grew even more introspective and this happened. *sigh* That part in the game utterly destroyed me.
> 
> I'm still not over it, and I'm about to go into the final battle and other things have happened, you know, and I'm still not over it.
> 
> Anyway. Look for more ToZ fanfiction to come. If you guys have any suggestions or requests, lemme know here or on my Tumblr~


End file.
